Day 2. Big step.

So last night I panicked. My boyfriend got called in to his second job for the night, and my son's father took him for the evening. I was all alone. And when I am alone I binge.

Supper is usually huge. I eat until I can not physically eat anymore. But I thought about it and I decided that I would make an effort to eat a healthy meal. I ended up having 2 poached eggs on toast with cheese. Then when I was done I really wanted to have something sweet. So I made a recipe that I found on Spark people for a 95 calorie 1 serving brownie. Love the 1 serving or I would have honestly eaten the whole pan. I was satisfied.

I thought it best to get out of the house after that. Get away from the food. So I went down to see my son for a couple minutes, and bring down his overnight bag. Then I came back home and did a P90X workout (my legs hurt so bad today, but man it feels good), then my friend and I went for a walk with her dogs. While on our walk I decided to tell her about the doctor prescribing me antidepressants. She is on antidepressants, depression runs in her family. She assured me that the pills would make me feel so much better.

After the walk I came home and decided to have a healthy snack. I had an apple with some almond butter on it. Then the craving hit me. I had to eat. We had a pail of cream puffs in out freezer from Christmas time. There must have been about 25 left. Now there is none. But I stopped after that. I actually stopped!!! That is huge for me. Usually after that I would not have stopped for about another 1/2 hour or so. I would have just put anything in my mouth I could have found. May not seem like it, but it is a small victory for me.

So today I woke up and I felt good. For about an hour or so. Then I started to feel weepy, feel irritable, feel sensitive, feel angry, and lost all my energy. So this morning I decided that I would indeed start the antidepressants. I am hiding it from my boyfriend though, because the other day when I got prescribed them he told me how against them he was. I know he does not understand how I feel. I really just want to get this under control!!