My story. Day 1

So I have an issue....

I am a binge eater. This has been going on for awhile now. And I have just recently come to terms with it. I had bouts with it when I was younger, but nothing like it is now. It usually strikes now at least once a week. My absolute need to eat. And eat and eat and eat.

I must take in about 3000 calories in a period of about an hour or so. Disgusting.

Do I look like I have a binge eating disorder? No. I look healthy. Well, common sense tells me that anyways. I am 5'9" and weight usually around 160. That is a healthy weight. I am within a healthy weight range, and my BMI is in normal. But that is not what I see when I look in the mirror. I look in the mirror and see that fat girl I once was. I look the same as I did when I was 220 pounds back in my teens. Unhealthy. Fat. Disgusting. Gross.

I have been binge eating like crazy since the beginning of January. Before then I went on Weight Watchers just because I had wanted to be at 130 pounds. I just wanted to look good, in my mind and in the mind of others. I did awesome on it from October to December, and at my lowest was at 153lbs, which I had not been since Grade 5. Then I got back from Christmas holidays, where I thought okay, I am just gonna have 4 days where I can eat whatever I want then I will be back on track. Well, I did get back on track, except for when I wasn't. That is when the binge eating started.

I am not exactly sure what triggered it. I don't deal well with stress, and usually just let it build up inside and don't say what needs to be said. Mostly because I have the need to make people happy all the time. And if I say what is bothering me it sometimes causes conflict. And I do not do well with conflict. So instead of saying whats on my mind I will go to the cupboard and soon as I am alone and eat whatever I can get my hands on, that won't be obvious that it is missing. And if I feel that i am eating to much of one thing, that it might get noticed that it had been eaten, I'll move on to the next food.

So this is my first post. This is the beginning of my story. this is my attempt at making myself better, instead of taking the anti-depressant my doctor prescribed to me yesterday.

Oh I hope this helps....